Northwestern University football kicks off today with a home opener against Towson, which archaeological records suggest is somewhere in America. Thanks to the blogging efforts of The Purple Drank I now know what to expect when the lads and I attend this morning:
Transitive property logic that leads me to believe that we’ll win by a lot:
9/20, 2008: Coastal Carolina, 31, Towson, 3.
8/30, 2008: No. 22 Penn State, 66, Coastal Carolina, 10.
11/8, 2008: Iowa, 24, No. 3 Penn State, 23
9/27, 2008: Northwestern, 22, Iowa, 17.
Transitive property score differential: 100.
A hundred-point win? I’d take it … but will settle for not losing. Any Wildcat fan who has cheered through as many seasons and painful losses as I will always settle for not losing.
If you tune into the Big Ten Network for the game, look for the superfan in the full-body purple paint waving both arms and wiggling his lavender Speedo at the camera; I’ll be as far from that person as possible.
UPDATE: Cats win! … though by a mere 33 points; the Transitive Theory of Scoring has been debunked rather scientifically. And also: Towson is from Baltimore. And now you know.