Quaaludes for kaiju.
Captions don't count: If ever there were a movie premise that would own me, it's this: A documentary about an average schmoe who gets supersized by the government whenever Godzilla-like kaiju monsters threaten Japan. In his non-huge state he's a depressingly lonely bumbler, and sadly, as the documentarians follow "Big-Sato" around his empty little life, the storytelling descends from quirky-yet-slow to just plain slow. The handful of standout moments come from some truly original monster fights, especially the one pictured above. Instead of clubbing it out, the "Stink Monsters" and Big-Sato bicker like overserved strangers in a bar. But the sum total of all the character development is bupkus in the end: Wikipedia calls the finale a "hallucinogenic apotheosis," while I would call it "Occurence at Owl Creek Bridge" or possibly just "goofy." I wanted to love you, Big Man, but your story was too small.